|During the Presidential debates, Donald Trump was secretly fed information by his finger puppets, Momo and Oinky.|
I recently had a dream in which Donald Trump came to my house for my birthday lunch.
He walked through the door and handed me a big red envelope that looked like it had been previously ripped open in a million different ways and then stuck back together in a slipshod manner with weak-ass sticky tape.
The whole damn thing was falling apart. (His aide said Trump wrapped it himself.) He had signed the front of envelope.
I pulled open the envelope from one of the loose seams and inside there was a fancy white birthday card, still in its plastic wrapper. There was nothing written in the card. But... there was a MASSIVE wad of cash inside.
The first few notes were just ten dollar bills, but then there were some hundreds, and I turned to my friend and said, "Wow, that's actually pretty generous."
Then, as I kept on counting through the money I came across a three-hundred dollar bill. I thought this was a weird denomination, and when I examined it closely I realised it was Mexican Pesos.
They were all Pesos.
I counted all the Pesos and my friend said it amounted to something like twenty Australian bucks. I'd been Trumped.
I was really annoyed so I got online and tried to hack into Donald Trump's bank account.
I tried the username djtrump and the password Ivanka81 (the love of his life) and I got in! Then I transferred myself ten-thousand dollars and posted his login details on social media for others to use.
Happy birthday to me, mofo.
|Pepe the Frog and Donald Trump have never been seen together in the same room. BAD.|
Donald Trump wants to take the United States back to a nostalgic time when things were supposedly great. But he's a bully with no real regard for the interests of people or the planet. And he seems ignorant to all the troubles that were much worse back in his romantic past: civil rights, sexual discrimination and reckless polluting, just to name a few.
Trump gained power by predominantly appealing to uneducated people and people who want radical change. He sold them a dream of empowerment. Support Trump and your life will improve. But it was all bullshit.
The dream I had is closer to reality.
Trump is not unlike the Taliban: a fundamentalist movement comprised mostly of uneducated, previously-voiceless men, who were suddenly given power through radical ideology.
Taliban-rule made anything possible for these men. During that time, they wielded great power in Afghanistan (through violence). I think their slogan was "Make Afghanistan Great Again". #MAGA
The Taliban rose up over common sense and decency and became tyrants over the people and land. They were anti-modern, intolerant, fanatical, extreme and hypocritical. Just like Trump!
So congratulations to everyone who voted for Donald Trump: you elected a terrorist* for president.
* Terrorist: a person who uses terrorism^ in the pursuit of political aims.
^ Terrorism: the unofficial or unauthorized use of violence and intimidation in the pursuit of political aims.