Once upon a time in the Gardens of Fitzroy, the dainty princess Sleeping Beauty slumbered with the possums in the long grass. She had fallen into a deep sleep after biting an apple, which was poisoned with ethanol and amphetamines.
Thankfully, her loyal friend Edmundo was there to keep watch over her. Edmundo covered Beauty with branches and leaves and flowers, hiding her from the vicious creatures that lurked in the shadows of the Building of Exhibitions.
Shhh... if you listen carefully, you can hear her in the video below, talking in her deep slumber...
So Edmundo covered Beauty with more organic refuse, thus hiding her from an evil even more horrid than the toothy possums and beaky magpies: the nefarious and vile Public Transport Officers, who visited the park when taking pause from their predation.
Edmundo afixed a note – a plea – on the princess, as witnessed in the video above. It said "HOMELESS PLEASE HELP". It was a cunning ruse, intended to have fair Beauty taken-in by the next brave warrior that passed.
But alas, there was no warrior, only a scoundrel named Urban Crime; and Urban Crime stole Sleeping Beauty's shoes, watch and Myki; and when the vile Public Transport Officers came to the Gardens of Fitzroy, they woke the princess from her slumber and feasted upon her wallet with a $75 on-the-spot fine. Poor Beauty was too hungover to object.
Sleeping Beauty whistled for her trusty Uber and they galloped to her castle in Northcote. There, her wizard Merlin prepared an elixir of fried eggs, bacon and sausage, and the princess was rejuvenated.
She used her restored strength to trim her beard.