21 June 2009

Beware of the Chilean Monster



The AraDan is two-headed, four-arm monster that can only be found on Cerro Playa Ancha in beautiful Valparaíso. It's diet consists of small rodents, bananas and Pisco (cheap Chilean alcohol). It's musical tastes include Pink Floyd, Spice Girls and the occasional Britney Spears track.

It is mostly friendly to humans, but was trained as a boy-scout and sometimes uses it's powers for evil purposes, such as intimidating gangsters on public transport. It loves long walks over painfully rocky beaches and long periods of immobility whilst watching crappy, American TV shows. It also likes to hold hands during thunder storms - it's own hands.

It speaks English, Spanish, German, some French and Floydian, and it's dialogue is almost always directly quoted from movies.

If you see one, only make contact with one of the heads and say, "You're tight like a tiger" with a Dutch accent. It should become pretty friendly after that.

[Dan was my wonderful host in Valparaiso for 9 days.]

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