22 October 2008

Learn Portuguese for free

We went into a salsa club at 5am. Salsa is not very popular in Brazil. I was sitting on a high stool, towering over a man lying asleep on the floor beside me - he was lying on his back with his head against the wall and his legs outstretched onto a near-vacant dance floor. After ten to fifteen minutes and signs of new light pouring in through the club's door, I decided to call it a night. Gonzalo walked me out. "We're going to share a cigarette before you leave," he told me. As he was lighting up our shoulders and arms were grabbed from behind and used for support.

She said her name was Veronica. But no sooner had she finished slurring the name off her intoxicated tongue did she reach into her amply filled bra to pull out an identity card with a completely different name. She was attractive, short and very well dressed in a red blouse, black skirt with slits down the side and modest jewellery on her fingers. If one looked at her face, and deep into her eyes, you could see age, but she looked amazing for what I guessed to be forty to forty-five. Gonzalo translated her rambles, "She was married to a German guy and she has five kids." "Wow!" I said.
"Capoeira!" She explained, adopting a fighting stance - illustrating that the Brazilian martial art is good for the figure. She began outlining her waist and pulled her skirt to the side to reveal her legs. She did look pretty damn good for her age.

Losing her balance, she sat down on a metal post that protects the sidewalk from the parking cars - a commentary on Brazilian driving perhaps? As we stood before her, she was apparently telling Gonzalo that I should learn to speak Portuguese. And so she took it upon herself to teach me my first word through demonstration... Caralho. And as she blurted the word she explosively reached forward and grabbed my testicles. Actually I believe she only managed to grasp my right testicle, and it felt as though her thumb and index finger had a confident grip on it as she squeezed it for a couple of seconds. "Caralho. Penis!" she explained.

I sat down beside her in a combined shock of disbelief and pain as she took my hand and placed it on the metal lamp -post beside us, which was buzzing with live electrical current. Though I left as soon as the gonadal pain - now travelling into my abdomen - subsided.

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5 comments:

  1. Andreea Asdjfgl23:07

    :)) And this is the only word you learned? I am sure she wanted to teach you more

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  2. well, this word was already a handful... you know what I mean? ;-)

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  3. Hmmm...Very descriptive picture of this girl. Love it. Yeah I wish this story ended a little different, was just getting interesting, but than maybe it did and you're not telling all ! haha... Cheers, Roman T.

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  4. hey Roman! Thanks for all your comments. :)
    Sorry to disappoint you, but I quickly moved away from her after she ferociously grabbed my crotch, haha.

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  5. You can learn this Portuguese by online or do practicing with a native speaker who is learning your language. Write or speak Portuguese online to improve grammar or conversation...Thanks,this post is quite interesting..!!

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