20 December 2007

$anta C£aus



This time last year I was celebrating Xmas in Croatia (Merry Xmas, Jules. I hope Sveti Nikola brings you lots of presents :) This year, I’m in Belfast.

When did Santa become such an entrepreneur? Was he always like this? Was I blinded to the detail by youth and innocence and unconditional faith?

I remember going to the shopping malls at Christmas when I was little. Obviously this pre-dates rife paedophilia so in those days it was safe to sit on Santa’s lap – and he didn’t even need to have £1 million public liability insurance. An enchantingly beautiful elf took you by the hand and led you to Santa, introducing you to him with a sweet voice that floats to Santa’s ears like ribbons in the wind. Santa would invite you to sit on his knee, and he would smile a genuine smile.

“What’s your name,” he would ask.
“Ara,” I would squeak in my infantile voice
“What would you like me to bring you for Christmas this year?”
“A bicycle.” I always asked for a bike as my parents never allowed my brother and me to have bikes due to health and safety issues.
“Have you been a good boy this year?” Santa’s voice would bound sincerely and unrehearsed.
“Yes,” I would reply coyly, hiding my face and avoiding eye contact in case Santa could see that I was lying – but he was SANTA… he would know!

And with that, he would give you a little present - a token of good faith that there is still some magic in the world.

Yesterday I observed Santa in a shopping mall with his new act. Children would impatiently line up with their parents, who would pay PR Elf £3.75 for the privilege to stand beside Santa, as he groomed them towards the money-making photo-op. He smiles, they smile, he waves – flash, flash, pause, flash. Personal Assistant Elf hands Santa a present. Santa hands the present to child number 483 and points them in the direction of Accounts Manager Elf, who will present a baited parent with a hard copy of this memory for an extra £3.

I’m sifting through the catalogues of my memory trying to recall the tiny details of my experiences with the great man in red. Was it always this way?
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The sign reads: PLEASE MAKE CHEQUES PAYABLE TO "DREAMTIME EVENTS LTD"



["Now, child, look at over there as I use my powers to create artificial light! No, no, that's not a camera -it's magic! Have a chat to my associate elf over there and she will discuss your options on how to pay for this magic. Merry Christmas, ho haha."]

4 comments:

  1. Rosie00:14

    "MERRY CHRISTMAS"

    http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=indian+12+days+of+christmas&search=Search

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks Rosie.

    Merry Xmas to you too!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and Merry Armenian Christmas.

    If you ever get an email or comment from hannah@mychipchop.com, my apologies. I had forgotten to sign out of a client's Google account before posting a response to the wonderful 'Chocolate Rain' video.

    Look after yourself mate and see you soon.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Edgar?

    Thanks mate.
    Hey, have you been back to New Zealand yet?

    ReplyDelete