Nepal certainly did leave an impression on me. And I can't say that I didn't leave me own impression on Nepal. Although I'm not sure whether random urea stains in a number of Himalayan guest-houses really counts as an impression. Let's just say that at -20 degrees Celsius it wasn't always convenient to journey outside for a little mid night dribble.

So I'm back in India, which means I'm walking with my pointed elbows up and out, I'm swearing freely at anybody who tries to accost me for business or personal gain (so, everybody), my snot has turned black, and because I haven't shaved in over a month I appear like a mean, terrorist-looking bastard. It's great, cos whenever I start chastising some locals for ill service they shy away and quiver in their flip-flops for fear of me detonating my suicide bomb. I am packing heat, but it's all in my ass in the form of a spicy chicken-curry fart.

I walk the streets of India and can't help but observe all the shit on the sidewalk. Then a chill comes over me as I realise that it's not animal shit. Public toilets are plentiful and free of charge, but it doesn't stop people from marking their territory with living, breathing maggot shit. Many people act like dogs.

But that's the theme over here. Everything is backwards. Instead of having dogs roaming the streets they have monkeys. Stray dogs instead of stray cats. Cats replace rats as the dirty but rarely seen vermin. And rats are worshiped like gods and are given their own temple within which to dwell (The Temple of Rats, in Khujaraho).Cows roam the streets freely and do as they please, like humans. And it seems humans are still trying to find their place amongst all the beasts.

But it is an interesting place. There is so much cultural diversity and, thanks to all the dust and pollution in India, there are now 40 new shades of black, 29 new shades of grey and 114 new shades of brown known to man.